• broken image


    New York City has 2 million rats and 1 perfect present.

  • broken image

    Happy Dead Whats?

    Happy Dead Rats is the perfect gift for the person who has everything—including unwanted encounters with rats.


    Your recipient will appreciate that there are five fewer rats in New York City and enjoy a tasteful Happy Dead Rats certificate.

  • Nice Packages

    All orders include a personalized certificate, delivered as a PDF or via the mail, on linen paper. Gift wrap, frame, and mat are available for an additional charge.

    broken image

    Happy Dead Rats: Classic

    I'll kill the first 5 rats I find.

    Cost: $15

    broken image

    Happy Dead Rats: Home Is Where the Rats Aren't

    I'll kill 5 rats in a neighborhood of your choice.

    Cost: $25

  • I Know Someone Who Hates Rats.

    Perfect. Order Happy Dead Rats here by submitting your name and email.

    I'll reply to confirm the details and provide a timeline from dead rats to delivered certificate.

  • Testimonies

    People love it.

    "I don't want to know how it works."

    —Christine, satisfied customer

    "Ideal for someone who hates rats and clutter."

    —Sarah, satisfied customer

    "Five fewer rats!"

    —Luke, satisfied customer

  • DA FAQ?

    Safe, reliable, and unique.

    Is this legal?

    Why wouldn’t it be? I don’t see how it could be illegal. I get that it’s unusual though, and so I limit myself to no more than three sets of five kills a day.

    What if you can't find rats?

    I'll find rats.

    Can I set up a wedding registry?


    What's your kill zone?

    New York City.

    Will you come to my house?


  • Contact

    Let's talk rats.